before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
