So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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