No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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