You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
