So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
