you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
