My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
