i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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