So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
