Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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