wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
