let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
