Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
