bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize