dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
