The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
