Porn is love you can see.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
