I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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