tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
