I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
