i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
