New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
