My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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