Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
