So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
