apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
