I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
