And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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