Capitaan dildo arrescate!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I need water and some morals
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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