just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
