You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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