i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
