Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
