She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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