Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
