I heard we made out
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
