your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
