She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize