your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
