So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There's always time for handjobs
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
