god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
