just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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