One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
