Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
