You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
