in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
