My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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