We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
