I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
