are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
