i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize