You smell like stripper and shame
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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