I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
