Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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