Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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