I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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