I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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