Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
