Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize