turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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