Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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