i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize