kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
