he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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