apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
