Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
