wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My feet surprised me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
