remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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