Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
